Veronica J. Fabian, M.S.W., R.S.W.

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist

Compassionate, empowering, insightful and practical

COUNSELLING / PSYCHOTHERAPY

for individuals (age 18+), couples & families

$ 130 (tax included) for 1 hour of therapy

www.veronicafabiancounselling.com 🌈

vfcounselling@bell.net (416) 745-3878

Etobicoke, Ontario

Dr. Jonice Webb, Ph.D.
Certificate of Completion

Veronica J. Fabian MSW, RSW
Psychotherapist, Reg. Social Worker
IDENTIFYING & TREATING

CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

IN ADULTS

June 27, 2019

Welcome!

I am passionate about guiding

people towards a deeper

understanding of themselves and

those who matter to them.

🍃

I am also skilled at helping clients

identify, heal, change

and/or

accept whatever is standing in the

way of their optimum psychological

or relational health.

🍃

In order to heal, you have to stop pretending it doesn't hurt.

🍃

In any given moment we have two

choices: to step forward into growth

or to step back into safety.

You are braver than you think.

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I can help with challenges related to:

Abandonment
ADHD
Anger
Anxiety
Assertiveness
Avoidance
Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
Codependency
Couple conflict
Depression
Divorce
Emotion regulation
Emotionally immature parents
Family conflict
Fear
Friendships
Grief
Guilt
Highly Sensitive Personality (HSP) type
Infidelity
Insecurity
Intimacy
Loneliness
Narcissistic parents or partners
Parenting
Perfectionism
Rejection
Self-sabotage
Self-worth
Shame
Social anxiety
Trauma
Unhealthy habits

Through gentle, compassionate inquiry and

non-judgmental curiosity I provide a safe, accepting

space where people can be completely honest and vulnerable about their most personal struggles.

" Shame cannot survive being talked about.

It lessens its grip when we can voice

our emotions and traumas

AND be validated. "

- Brené Brown, Ph.D.

My approach to therapy is client-centred and collaborative. Above all else, it is deeply rooted in

my firm belief in the worth of all people, their right to

self-determination and individuality.

I use a primarily attachment-based and trauma-informed 'lens' when working with clients, meaning that I'm listening for any hidden or obvious trauma. If detected, I tailor therapy to address the impact the trauma has had on their view of themselves, other people and the world in general. I also consider clients' challenges from an attachment perspective to determine whether insecure bonds/attachments underlie their complaints. If this is the case, we work on their ability to form safer, more secure and trustworthy connections, beginning with our own client-therapist relationship.

The two main evidence-based psychology theories and intervention models which guide my therapy practice are summarized below...

COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy was pioneered by American Psychiatrist, Dr. Aaron T. Beck (1921- ), https://beckinstitute.org in the 1960's. It is a well-established psychotherapy treatment approach based on the idea that how we think (cognition), how we feel (emotion) and how we act (behaviour) all interact together. Specifically, our thoughts determine our feelings and behaviour.

We begin to develop unhealthy, inaccurate core beliefs, thoughts and interpretations during childhood as we interact with people and experience life. Left unchecked, these harmful patterns of thinking, also referred to as 'cognitive distortions', can cause recurring emotional distress, low self-worth, self-sabotage, chronic relationship difficulties and mental health challenges.

CBT skills can help:

1. IDENTIFY

2. CHALLENGE

and

3. CHANGE

unhealthy, inaccurate patterns of thinking and behaving.

CBT uses a variety of cognitive and behavioural techniques but it isn’t defined by its use of these strategies. CBT borrows from many psychotherapeutic modalities, including:

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, Gestalt Therapy

Compassion-Focused Therapy, Mindfulness, Solution Focused Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, Interpersonal Psychotherapy and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy.

CBT is structured, goal-oriented

and practical. Its strategies and skills, when practiced during and between sessions, can yield satisfying satisfying results.

💡

Staying vulnerable
is a risk
we have to take
if we want to
experience connection
and true intimacy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a well-known, structured approach to psychotherapy.

It is based on Attachment Theory, developed by British Psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) and expanded upon by American-Canadian developmental Psychologist

Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999).*

* http://www.psychology.sunysb.edu/attachment/online/inge_origins.pdf

Bowlby and Ainsworth identified that children's early experiences with their parents/primary caregivers had a profound and lasting impact on their ability to form meaningful, stable, satisfying relationships as adults.

In the 1980's, British-Canadian Psychologist and researcher Dr. Sue Johnson drsuejohnson.com developed Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT), Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) in relation to the science of adult attachment/bonding.

Secure attachment begins in childhood, provided there is at least one emotionally available, sensitive, empathic and nurturing (safe) parent/primary caregiver to connect with on a consistent basis. When this isn't the case, a child becomes insecure, anxious and mistrustful. He/she develops an Avoidant (Dismissive), Anxious (Ambivalent) or Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) attachment style and learns that they can't rely on or trust others for help and comfort. As a result, they develop (by default) damaging ways/habits of coping with their sadness, hurt, fear, anxiety, shame and stress on their own: usually by shutting down (disconnecting, withdrawing) or escalating (acting out, demanding to be seen/heard) in anger. These desperate coping patterns will negatively impact the quality of their adult relationships.

Even as fully grown adults, any distress, conflict, distance or separation in our important, intimate relationships (romantic, familial or platonic) is automatically interpreted by our brain's amygdala (fear centre) as "danger" and a threat to our psychological safety/ security. Losing our connection to an important person, even as adults, can trigger a primal fear of abandonment (reminiscent of the emotional abandonment we experienced with our parents/primary caregivers in childhood).

When incoming information from a loved one is positive, reassuring and familiar, our amygdala remains calm. However, when it perceives threatening or unfamiliar information, it increases our brain's anxiety level. When our brain's anxiety level is elevated, we go into self-protection mode (fight, flight or freeze) often resorting to what we did to survive in childhood when we felt afraid, sad or hurt and our parents/primary caregivers weren't available (they were unaware, unable or unwilling) to comfort us and help us manage these frightening, overwhelming feelings.

As adults, when our sense of security/safety is threatened in our close relationships, we get triggered and tend to repeat familiar but unhealthy coping patterns from our formative years. Emotionally Focused Therapy can help change deep-rooted, negative reactions/coping patterns that stress and sabotage our most valued relationships.

Discover your attachment style

https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/